miserable, is the only word that could describe my feelings right now.
when I cried the last time, I was grieving and mourning over the passing of Ah Gong. now, I don't understand why am I feeling so horrible, and why should I deserve this.
I've not felt so miserable over work before. the work has always been stressful, but I've been taking it in my stride. there were many down moments, but I've tried standing up on my feet again. there is a limit to what I can handle, and I suppose I've reached that.
many times when I'm threatened, to be deprived of my wishes to be back in Bago City, I told myself, I can handle it. I blame myself for not putting enough effort, for not managing things well. I tried my best to recify problems, but there is only this much I could do.
I don't know if this is called a 'consequence', this is not something that I would want. you do not threaten me with something I hold on dearly to.
I know this is not going to be the last time. it will not be the last time until the day I complete whatever I need to do. I can be evil, I can leave and leave all problems lying unresolved. but I won't do that.
I shall wait for the day I leave for greener pastures.
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
a letter to Ah Gong
Dear Ah Gong,
how have you been? have you got to see Lao Ma and Po po? how about your wish of going back to China? have you been there yet? you must be enjoying your self-brewed tea and puffing your cigarettes.
it has been 10 days since you are gone, and everybody is still adjusting to the lives without you. but you are never really gone, you are still in our hearts, in our thoughts. and you do know that.
for the past 23 years, you have been a doting grandfather. I've never really hear a scolding from you. when I was young, I slept at your place every weeknight because mum and dad had to leave house early for work. you were there, sometimes making breakfast for me. and sometimes you liked to poke fun at me, and making farting sounds to make me laugh. many times I've tried imitating you, but it was never a success. and you would laugh back at me.
you like painting and drawing. I enjoyed playing with the ink, and helped you do the mixing whenever you feel like painting. sometimes I would mess up your table, and you had to the one doing the clearing up. nevertheless, you never stopped me from doing that. small little things that would make a kid entertained.
I like wearing your big silver watch. the Ah Gong's watch on my small wrist. it made me feel like I'm an adult.
I used to go to the market with you. while mum was busy tending the stall, you liked to sit near the parked lorries, and chit-chat with all the uncles there, while I was running up and down the lorries, playing with whatever that amused me. you hardly tell me to sit down quietly, you just let me run about, because you knew I will never go out of your sight.
there was once you had to accompany me to school because I had to go early for supplementary lessons. because I didn't know the way well, we alighted a stop earlier. from there we had to walk a long distance to reach the school. the next day, I received a scolding from mum, because the long walk made your feet ache. I was being stubborn, I refused to apologise, but I felt bad for not knowing how to make you feel better. but you just brushed the issue aside.
you used to play your ye hu (coconut-shell erhu) and that two-stringed lute in the afternoons. I would sit beside you, listen to you playing your Teochew music. I could still remember the tunes. perhaps it was your influence, that I've picked up learning the erhu in secondary school. but you've never hear me play that.
as I grew older, the time spent with you, spent in the house, became less. longer school hours, more activities. but whenever there's a family gathering, we would all be there. I know you like big gatherings. I always look forward to your birthday celebration every year, I know you always look forward to that too. you would always move from table to table, asking everybody to 'eat more'.
when you first got hospitalised, I was so scared. suddenly you just seemed to become so frail overnight. the medicine might have caused you to feel drowsy and hallucinate, you started to mumble, and said that you have cooked porridge and asked me to eat. I was so frightened, so afraid that I would lose you any moment.
thank god you were discharged. I had just graduated then, but I wasn't intending to get a job. taking care of you seemed to be the most important thing at that moment. being the one who is the most educated (by far), I had to learn how to use those machines, and be clear of all your medications. you were too weak to get out of the house, so you did not attend my commencement ceremony. I wanted to get you an extra ticket, so that you could be there, be proud of your eldest grandchild.
the doctor advised you to quit smoking. I know it has been hard on you. how to kick a habit that has been with you for 70-odd years? I'm actually proud of you, that you have managed to cut down to a cigarette a day. it takes a lot of willpower to do so, and you are a strong and tough Ah Gong.
when you got hospitalised again a year later, you told me that you knew it was about time. I hate hearing that coming from you. I even told you that you would still have many more years to come, you would have to wait till I get married, till you get to carry your grand-grandchildren. and you even laughed at me for saying that.
Ah Gong, I'm sorry for not being there with you when you were celebrating Mid-Autumn Festival at home. I totally regretted that.
your last stay in the hospital was the last time I saw you suffer. when you laid there unconscious in ICU, it was really painful to see you like that. I know you could hear us. you fought on for a few more days, but I guess it was about time.
I hope we all have managed to fulfil all your last wishes. but it still hurts, to see you go.
sometimes I'm afraid of travelling alone. I would often stare blankly into space, and memories would just flood back. even if my MP3 player is blasting lively music into my ears, tears would still well up. many times I almost cried on the bus, but I had to hold back the tears. embarrassing, isn't it? I could only cry when it's late at night, when everyone else is sleeping.
Ah Gong, thank you for being my Ah Gong. you were always so supportive of me. you never questioned me of my decision to keep going back to the Philippines, all you said to me was, to take care of myself and be careful.
I gave you an ang bao during this year's Chinese New Year. that was my first, and the last time giving it to you. I want to let you know that your ah-hui has already grown up to become a young adult, facing the challenges of the real world.
I hope you are proud of me.
Ah Gong, there is this song I want to dedicate to you. although you may not understand it, the song truly expresses how I'm really feeling right now. Ah Gong, I miss you.
-your beloved ah-hui
how have you been? have you got to see Lao Ma and Po po? how about your wish of going back to China? have you been there yet? you must be enjoying your self-brewed tea and puffing your cigarettes.
it has been 10 days since you are gone, and everybody is still adjusting to the lives without you. but you are never really gone, you are still in our hearts, in our thoughts. and you do know that.
for the past 23 years, you have been a doting grandfather. I've never really hear a scolding from you. when I was young, I slept at your place every weeknight because mum and dad had to leave house early for work. you were there, sometimes making breakfast for me. and sometimes you liked to poke fun at me, and making farting sounds to make me laugh. many times I've tried imitating you, but it was never a success. and you would laugh back at me.
you like painting and drawing. I enjoyed playing with the ink, and helped you do the mixing whenever you feel like painting. sometimes I would mess up your table, and you had to the one doing the clearing up. nevertheless, you never stopped me from doing that. small little things that would make a kid entertained.
I like wearing your big silver watch. the Ah Gong's watch on my small wrist. it made me feel like I'm an adult.
I used to go to the market with you. while mum was busy tending the stall, you liked to sit near the parked lorries, and chit-chat with all the uncles there, while I was running up and down the lorries, playing with whatever that amused me. you hardly tell me to sit down quietly, you just let me run about, because you knew I will never go out of your sight.
there was once you had to accompany me to school because I had to go early for supplementary lessons. because I didn't know the way well, we alighted a stop earlier. from there we had to walk a long distance to reach the school. the next day, I received a scolding from mum, because the long walk made your feet ache. I was being stubborn, I refused to apologise, but I felt bad for not knowing how to make you feel better. but you just brushed the issue aside.
you used to play your ye hu (coconut-shell erhu) and that two-stringed lute in the afternoons. I would sit beside you, listen to you playing your Teochew music. I could still remember the tunes. perhaps it was your influence, that I've picked up learning the erhu in secondary school. but you've never hear me play that.
as I grew older, the time spent with you, spent in the house, became less. longer school hours, more activities. but whenever there's a family gathering, we would all be there. I know you like big gatherings. I always look forward to your birthday celebration every year, I know you always look forward to that too. you would always move from table to table, asking everybody to 'eat more'.
when you first got hospitalised, I was so scared. suddenly you just seemed to become so frail overnight. the medicine might have caused you to feel drowsy and hallucinate, you started to mumble, and said that you have cooked porridge and asked me to eat. I was so frightened, so afraid that I would lose you any moment.
thank god you were discharged. I had just graduated then, but I wasn't intending to get a job. taking care of you seemed to be the most important thing at that moment. being the one who is the most educated (by far), I had to learn how to use those machines, and be clear of all your medications. you were too weak to get out of the house, so you did not attend my commencement ceremony. I wanted to get you an extra ticket, so that you could be there, be proud of your eldest grandchild.
the doctor advised you to quit smoking. I know it has been hard on you. how to kick a habit that has been with you for 70-odd years? I'm actually proud of you, that you have managed to cut down to a cigarette a day. it takes a lot of willpower to do so, and you are a strong and tough Ah Gong.
when you got hospitalised again a year later, you told me that you knew it was about time. I hate hearing that coming from you. I even told you that you would still have many more years to come, you would have to wait till I get married, till you get to carry your grand-grandchildren. and you even laughed at me for saying that.
Ah Gong, I'm sorry for not being there with you when you were celebrating Mid-Autumn Festival at home. I totally regretted that.
your last stay in the hospital was the last time I saw you suffer. when you laid there unconscious in ICU, it was really painful to see you like that. I know you could hear us. you fought on for a few more days, but I guess it was about time.
I hope we all have managed to fulfil all your last wishes. but it still hurts, to see you go.
sometimes I'm afraid of travelling alone. I would often stare blankly into space, and memories would just flood back. even if my MP3 player is blasting lively music into my ears, tears would still well up. many times I almost cried on the bus, but I had to hold back the tears. embarrassing, isn't it? I could only cry when it's late at night, when everyone else is sleeping.
Ah Gong, thank you for being my Ah Gong. you were always so supportive of me. you never questioned me of my decision to keep going back to the Philippines, all you said to me was, to take care of myself and be careful.
I gave you an ang bao during this year's Chinese New Year. that was my first, and the last time giving it to you. I want to let you know that your ah-hui has already grown up to become a young adult, facing the challenges of the real world.
I hope you are proud of me.
Ah Gong, there is this song I want to dedicate to you. although you may not understand it, the song truly expresses how I'm really feeling right now. Ah Gong, I miss you.
-your beloved ah-hui
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
goodbye, ah gong
it has been physically and emotionally draining for the past 2 weeks.
from the day ah gong was hospitalised, we all feared for the worst. seeing him lying there unconscious after the operation, face and body swollen from the operation, with lots of tubes and needles connecting to all the supporting machines, it hurts.
upon receiving a call from my brother, all of us rushed down to the hospital. his heartbeat had slowed down to 48, and the doctors said he had a few hours left. all his children were there, to be with him for his last moments. all of us gathered by his bed side, and he left us at 7am.
they said it was a good sign if a person passes away in the morning, for it would mean that he/she gives the rest of the time to his descendents. ah gong is indeed a good person.
I did not cry. perhaps I was trying to be strong. perhaps reality had not sunk in, yet. he looked so peaceful lying there, as if he was having a good sleep.
we couldn't bring him home the same day. he had to go for an autopsy to verify that it was not due to complications from the operation. walking him to the mortuary was solemn, but seeing him being pushed in, out of your sight, then you realised that he was no longer by your side.
when he came home the next day, he was wearing a suit with a tie. he looked smart. that was my second time seeing him wearing a suit and a tie, the first time was from his wedding photos. the rituals made the reality sink in further, that ah gong had really left us. for the first time, I saw my ah ma cry. after the rituals, my little cousin asked, 'why didn't you cry when everybody else cried?'
I didn't know how to answer, I just told him, 'I am strong. ah gong is in a happy place right now.'
for the next few days, we all stayed by his side, following all the rituals, hoping that he would lead a better life in a better place. some of the rituals were tear-inducing, but i tried holding back the tears. I wanted to be strong, when I saw my mother cry. many people came to offer their last respects to ah gong. ah gong have been blessed to have so many friends and relatives who have respected him as a person, as an elder.
when ah gong was about to leave for cremation, I couldn't hold it any longer. I walked up to him, and I broke down. that was the last time I saw him. it hurts too, to see my mum and aunts cry that hard.
I didn't dare to walk beside my mum, because I wasn't strong enough to give her the support that she needed.
our very last moments with ah gong was heart-wrenching. seeing him being pushed into the raging fire was even more painful than ever.
his body has been reduced to ashes, but many of his bones are still intact. ah gong had a life well-lived, and he also made people around him live well too. ah gong is a good man.
he is now resting peacefully at the columbarium.
I only hope that ah gong is happy, drinking his tea and puffing his cigarettes right now.
from the day ah gong was hospitalised, we all feared for the worst. seeing him lying there unconscious after the operation, face and body swollen from the operation, with lots of tubes and needles connecting to all the supporting machines, it hurts.
upon receiving a call from my brother, all of us rushed down to the hospital. his heartbeat had slowed down to 48, and the doctors said he had a few hours left. all his children were there, to be with him for his last moments. all of us gathered by his bed side, and he left us at 7am.
they said it was a good sign if a person passes away in the morning, for it would mean that he/she gives the rest of the time to his descendents. ah gong is indeed a good person.
I did not cry. perhaps I was trying to be strong. perhaps reality had not sunk in, yet. he looked so peaceful lying there, as if he was having a good sleep.
we couldn't bring him home the same day. he had to go for an autopsy to verify that it was not due to complications from the operation. walking him to the mortuary was solemn, but seeing him being pushed in, out of your sight, then you realised that he was no longer by your side.
when he came home the next day, he was wearing a suit with a tie. he looked smart. that was my second time seeing him wearing a suit and a tie, the first time was from his wedding photos. the rituals made the reality sink in further, that ah gong had really left us. for the first time, I saw my ah ma cry. after the rituals, my little cousin asked, 'why didn't you cry when everybody else cried?'
I didn't know how to answer, I just told him, 'I am strong. ah gong is in a happy place right now.'
for the next few days, we all stayed by his side, following all the rituals, hoping that he would lead a better life in a better place. some of the rituals were tear-inducing, but i tried holding back the tears. I wanted to be strong, when I saw my mother cry. many people came to offer their last respects to ah gong. ah gong have been blessed to have so many friends and relatives who have respected him as a person, as an elder.
when ah gong was about to leave for cremation, I couldn't hold it any longer. I walked up to him, and I broke down. that was the last time I saw him. it hurts too, to see my mum and aunts cry that hard.
I didn't dare to walk beside my mum, because I wasn't strong enough to give her the support that she needed.
our very last moments with ah gong was heart-wrenching. seeing him being pushed into the raging fire was even more painful than ever.
his body has been reduced to ashes, but many of his bones are still intact. ah gong had a life well-lived, and he also made people around him live well too. ah gong is a good man.
he is now resting peacefully at the columbarium.
I only hope that ah gong is happy, drinking his tea and puffing his cigarettes right now.
Friday, September 19, 2008
I'll miss you, ah gong
ah gong, you've lived well. you have been blessed with whatever you've enjoyed. all your children were by your side, and you look so peaceful. you left with no worries, to a place with no sufferings.
I'll miss you. thank you for being my ah gong.
I'll miss you. thank you for being my ah gong.
Monday, September 15, 2008
ah gong, please hang on
ah gong is admitted into hospital again. a major operation.
a bad dream a few nights ago made me fear for the worst. I'm not ready to let go yet, not now, not ever.
ah gong, please hang on.
a bad dream a few nights ago made me fear for the worst. I'm not ready to let go yet, not now, not ever.
ah gong, please hang on.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
exams
kid 1 is having his exam from 26 September to 10 October.
kid 2 is having his PSLE from 3 October to 9 October.
kid 3 is having her exam from 22 October to 29 October.
wooh. life is getting a little exciting. arghh.
kid 2 is having his PSLE from 3 October to 9 October.
kid 3 is having her exam from 22 October to 29 October.
wooh. life is getting a little exciting. arghh.
Sunday, September 07, 2008
new toy's first appearance
my new toy made its first official appearance yesterday. it was for work purposes, but playing with the toy added some fun elements to it. it gave my biceps a good workout, although the carrying of chairs and instruments had been a more strenous one.
picked out a few satisfying ones (aside from work-related shots).
I like this one, because you can still see a glimpse of the instrument through the window.
Cola-cola clearly stood out. my anti-depressant. :)
mommy Michelle and baby Gabriel. would have been better if their facial expressions could be captured more clearly.
------------------------------
ah gong's health is getting better. a good thing. he has been transferred out from the isolation ward. hopefully he can come home soon. somehow it's good, so convenient that I'm working nearby and I can visit him everyday during my lunch hour.
many things have been tiring me out. I do hope all are temporary. I'm strong enough, I hope.
picked out a few satisfying ones (aside from work-related shots).
I like this one, because you can still see a glimpse of the instrument through the window.
Cola-cola clearly stood out. my anti-depressant. :)
mommy Michelle and baby Gabriel. would have been better if their facial expressions could be captured more clearly.
------------------------------
ah gong's health is getting better. a good thing. he has been transferred out from the isolation ward. hopefully he can come home soon. somehow it's good, so convenient that I'm working nearby and I can visit him everyday during my lunch hour.
many things have been tiring me out. I do hope all are temporary. I'm strong enough, I hope.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Zhi Yin IV
it was a night of reminiscence. the time machine brought me back 7 years in time, and my, it was kinda weird. haha.
Zhi Yin IV!!
the 4 years as a RVCO member have indeed been one of my memorable moments as a student, as a performer. with all the various performing stints, competitions and even an overseas trip to Shanghai, and of course with all the friends that I've made in the orchestra, I can't think of any other word to describe it, except 'fun'. :)
but of course, it was not all about fun, especially when we got scolded for not performing up to standard, or when we failed to clinch the top gold award in the SYF competition. I remembered I cried after the results were announced and the then-principal had to comfort all of us.
haha, but that was all part and parcel of growing up. :) and talking about growing up, i'm like 10 years older than the youngest members in the orchestra. wahh! I feel so old now. haha.
and yesterday's concert brought many familiar faces together, this shows that the alumni support is still going strong. hehe.
i love their attire. clean-cut, yet smart. it's time for NUSCO to change the uniforms.
the finale song gave me goosebumps. because it was the song that we played 7 years ago! it was freaky, I tell ya. god knows how tough the trainings were, and how this song brought up all the emotions. this is truly a RVCO song. haha.
I would love to play that song again, but to render it in a much more matured manner, with deeper emotions.
and the night ended nicely with the RV shan ge, the very RVian cheer. :)
Zhi Yin IV!!
the 4 years as a RVCO member have indeed been one of my memorable moments as a student, as a performer. with all the various performing stints, competitions and even an overseas trip to Shanghai, and of course with all the friends that I've made in the orchestra, I can't think of any other word to describe it, except 'fun'. :)
but of course, it was not all about fun, especially when we got scolded for not performing up to standard, or when we failed to clinch the top gold award in the SYF competition. I remembered I cried after the results were announced and the then-principal had to comfort all of us.
haha, but that was all part and parcel of growing up. :) and talking about growing up, i'm like 10 years older than the youngest members in the orchestra. wahh! I feel so old now. haha.
and yesterday's concert brought many familiar faces together, this shows that the alumni support is still going strong. hehe.
i love their attire. clean-cut, yet smart. it's time for NUSCO to change the uniforms.
the finale song gave me goosebumps. because it was the song that we played 7 years ago! it was freaky, I tell ya. god knows how tough the trainings were, and how this song brought up all the emotions. this is truly a RVCO song. haha.
I would love to play that song again, but to render it in a much more matured manner, with deeper emotions.
and the night ended nicely with the RV shan ge, the very RVian cheer. :)
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
working in the night
I actually do find peace working alone in the office late into the night. :)
I love playing music while working. I have my pillow and soft toys to accompany me when I'm bored. I have the photos of my beloved Bago City to gaze at, when I'm down.
another one of my quiet little corners. :) haha I may sound like a workaholic freak (NO I'm not), but yar, I work better in the night. haha.
I love playing music while working. I have my pillow and soft toys to accompany me when I'm bored. I have the photos of my beloved Bago City to gaze at, when I'm down.
another one of my quiet little corners. :) haha I may sound like a workaholic freak (NO I'm not), but yar, I work better in the night. haha.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
growing old
you know you have become more sensible, when you don't go around harping about your problems, but instead you lend a listening ear to people who are more affected by their own issues.
you know you have become wiser, when you know where to seek your inspirations and your sense of motivation, at your lowest moments.
you know you have become wiser, when you know where to seek your inspirations and your sense of motivation, at your lowest moments.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Filipino hotdogs!
oooh.. the taste of Filipino hotdogs brought back much memories. :)
I remembered my Filipino breakfasts, my Filipino lunches and my Filipino dinners. haha.
I still have one and a half packets of that, still able to ration it till my next trip back. but I wanna have a proper Filipino meal here! where can I enjoy nice and cheap Filipino food, except Lucky Plaza? I'm intimidated by the weekend crowds. haha.
oh, I still have many packets of squid rings in my office. :)
I remembered my Filipino breakfasts, my Filipino lunches and my Filipino dinners. haha.
I still have one and a half packets of that, still able to ration it till my next trip back. but I wanna have a proper Filipino meal here! where can I enjoy nice and cheap Filipino food, except Lucky Plaza? I'm intimidated by the weekend crowds. haha.
oh, I still have many packets of squid rings in my office. :)
Monday, August 04, 2008
August playlist - Aiza Seguerra
August's playlist - Aiza Seguerra
Aiza, an acoustic singer in the Philippines. it's kinda difficult to find singers with a soothing voice, and plays the guitar well. not only that, she is a songwriter too. :) oooh I like talented people. haha.
her album 'Para Lang Sa Yo' (Just For You) is the first Filipino album I've purchased. :)
many of the songs from the playlist are from this album. one of my favourites is I'll Be There For You. Walang Sayang (No Regrets), Persistent Rain, and Mahagkan Kang Muli (To Kiss You Again) are nice. Kasama (Together) is a catchy song.
her previous albums have also won awards for outstanding performance and sales. How Did You Know and Pinakamamahal (Deepest Love) are also some of my favourites.
if I could ever get to hear her sing live, I would sure grab the chance. I wonder when would that be. haha.
P.S. all translations of the Tagalog song titles are done by me. they may not be 100% correct. haha.
Aiza, an acoustic singer in the Philippines. it's kinda difficult to find singers with a soothing voice, and plays the guitar well. not only that, she is a songwriter too. :) oooh I like talented people. haha.
her album 'Para Lang Sa Yo' (Just For You) is the first Filipino album I've purchased. :)
many of the songs from the playlist are from this album. one of my favourites is I'll Be There For You. Walang Sayang (No Regrets), Persistent Rain, and Mahagkan Kang Muli (To Kiss You Again) are nice. Kasama (Together) is a catchy song.
her previous albums have also won awards for outstanding performance and sales. How Did You Know and Pinakamamahal (Deepest Love) are also some of my favourites.
if I could ever get to hear her sing live, I would sure grab the chance. I wonder when would that be. haha.
P.S. all translations of the Tagalog song titles are done by me. they may not be 100% correct. haha.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
another week
again, a lot of things have been going on these few days. good and bad, that's what makes life interesting. haa.
we had another primary school class gathering again yesterday. surprisingly, everyone was so enthusiastic that we had to have a gathering that soon. haha. but well, that's a good thing, because I've got to meet up with these friends whom I've not met for 11 years. and we did have many good laughs at all the jokes and the silly things we did when we were still kids. :)
there are other things to keep me excited as well. I guess this is quite predictable, because there aren't many things that can keep me that excited. :)
but well of course, like I've said, bad things happened too. work has not been going smoothly, and I have no choice but to accept it. at times it was my fault, however I just can't help but rant to people around me. I just hope they don't find me too irritating. but somehow I think they do. arghh, I'm starting to get pessimistic and negative.
shucks, I need to stay focused. there are other things that need my attention and effort. yes I need to stay focused.
oh, I have just gotten addicted to killer Sudoku. haha. the Sudoku grid with no numbers in it. it's much more challenging than the normal ones, and I like it. hahah. I was so excited when I saw the book. and I still am. there's a 16 x 16 grid Sudoku too! muahahah. go ahead and call me a freak. I like such challenges. haha. ;D
ah... it's Sunday. the only day I can sleep like nobody's business. ah.. all these are oh so random. oh well. I need my sleep!! ciao.
we had another primary school class gathering again yesterday. surprisingly, everyone was so enthusiastic that we had to have a gathering that soon. haha. but well, that's a good thing, because I've got to meet up with these friends whom I've not met for 11 years. and we did have many good laughs at all the jokes and the silly things we did when we were still kids. :)
there are other things to keep me excited as well. I guess this is quite predictable, because there aren't many things that can keep me that excited. :)
but well of course, like I've said, bad things happened too. work has not been going smoothly, and I have no choice but to accept it. at times it was my fault, however I just can't help but rant to people around me. I just hope they don't find me too irritating. but somehow I think they do. arghh, I'm starting to get pessimistic and negative.
shucks, I need to stay focused. there are other things that need my attention and effort. yes I need to stay focused.
oh, I have just gotten addicted to killer Sudoku. haha. the Sudoku grid with no numbers in it. it's much more challenging than the normal ones, and I like it. hahah. I was so excited when I saw the book. and I still am. there's a 16 x 16 grid Sudoku too! muahahah. go ahead and call me a freak. I like such challenges. haha. ;D
ah... it's Sunday. the only day I can sleep like nobody's business. ah.. all these are oh so random. oh well. I need my sleep!! ciao.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Monday blues
too many things happening.
------------------------------
po-po passed away 2 weeks ago.
when I was very young, my parents had to work, so I spent most of my day-times at my auntie's house. po-po would dote on me, just like any of her own grandchildren. she liked to sit on the bamboo chair in the living room, fanning herself with the small weaved fan, while the naughty me would sit there watching tv, creating havoc once in a while.
I gave her an ang-bao this Chinese New Year. because I've started working, and it was about time I should show more of my filial respect to her. it was my first and last time doing so.
I never got to go to her wake. I hope she would rest well.
------------------------------
Mrs Janet Torres passed away yesterday morning.
she was a fighter, a strong woman who had contributed a lot to the society, to the city. she was ill when I was back in Bago City last May, and I didn't get to meet her. she had been through a lot, but now she can finally rest.
------------------------------
I had a gathering with some of my friends from my primary school yesterday. it has been 11 long years. faces have changed, but some are still as crappy as ever.
and again I experienced some identity crisis. while people are becoming lawyers, doctors, accountants and some other high-flying occupations, I got lost again.
as long as I'm contented with what I have, everything else doesn't really matter, right?
------------------------------
it's time I give myself some space.
------------------------------
po-po passed away 2 weeks ago.
when I was very young, my parents had to work, so I spent most of my day-times at my auntie's house. po-po would dote on me, just like any of her own grandchildren. she liked to sit on the bamboo chair in the living room, fanning herself with the small weaved fan, while the naughty me would sit there watching tv, creating havoc once in a while.
I gave her an ang-bao this Chinese New Year. because I've started working, and it was about time I should show more of my filial respect to her. it was my first and last time doing so.
I never got to go to her wake. I hope she would rest well.
------------------------------
Mrs Janet Torres passed away yesterday morning.
she was a fighter, a strong woman who had contributed a lot to the society, to the city. she was ill when I was back in Bago City last May, and I didn't get to meet her. she had been through a lot, but now she can finally rest.
------------------------------
I had a gathering with some of my friends from my primary school yesterday. it has been 11 long years. faces have changed, but some are still as crappy as ever.
and again I experienced some identity crisis. while people are becoming lawyers, doctors, accountants and some other high-flying occupations, I got lost again.
as long as I'm contented with what I have, everything else doesn't really matter, right?
------------------------------
it's time I give myself some space.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
my early birthday wish
I know it's still a long way to my birthday, and I don't really celebrate my birthday. my last birthday cake was when I was 13.
but because I was totally amazed by the kinds of cakes the kids are having for their birthday parties nowadays, I shall have a simple birthday wish. yar, a simple one.
which is, to have a cake like this!!
yes! a Stitch birthday cake! :D
haha I guess it's about time I should have a birthday cake that I'll really really like. after 10 years. oops I've divulged my age.
I do have another wish. I wish that I could spend one of my birthdays in Bago. :)
oh well, hopefully the time will come.
but anyway, I've found this on the internet. 'See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil', Stitch's version. heheh. ain't this little blue monster cute? :D
but because I was totally amazed by the kinds of cakes the kids are having for their birthday parties nowadays, I shall have a simple birthday wish. yar, a simple one.
which is, to have a cake like this!!
yes! a Stitch birthday cake! :D
haha I guess it's about time I should have a birthday cake that I'll really really like. after 10 years. oops I've divulged my age.
I do have another wish. I wish that I could spend one of my birthdays in Bago. :)
oh well, hopefully the time will come.
but anyway, I've found this on the internet. 'See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil', Stitch's version. heheh. ain't this little blue monster cute? :D
Sunday, July 20, 2008
moody sunday
there has been a galore of commencement photos in Facebook. many familiar faces, a number of them have been a part of my memories during my school years. I had weird feelings looking at the photos, perhaps I felt I was spying on other people's lives. haa. and I can't really say that there was a sense of nostalgia, because I don't remember much about my own commencement.
perhaps I was regretting not taking more photos during that occasion. too late for regrets.
glad to see that friends who have graduated have found their jobs, ready to face the bright future. and for a few times it set me thinking, what am I doing, what am I going to do with my future. there are things in my mind that I'm trying to achieve, but still, I feel lost.
there have been bleak moments experienced during work for the past year. there have been things that keep me motivated, keeping me going on. I'm not the kind of person who would come home, complaining to my family, or hide under the blanket and cry. I haven't been crying for a long time. in fact, I say nothing about my job when I'm home, and I suppose they know nothing except where I work.
I'm not denying that there are better opportunities out there, but I'm seeing how far will I go, how far can I go. it's just a matter of time.
or perhaps I just need a trigger.
perhaps I was regretting not taking more photos during that occasion. too late for regrets.
glad to see that friends who have graduated have found their jobs, ready to face the bright future. and for a few times it set me thinking, what am I doing, what am I going to do with my future. there are things in my mind that I'm trying to achieve, but still, I feel lost.
there have been bleak moments experienced during work for the past year. there have been things that keep me motivated, keeping me going on. I'm not the kind of person who would come home, complaining to my family, or hide under the blanket and cry. I haven't been crying for a long time. in fact, I say nothing about my job when I'm home, and I suppose they know nothing except where I work.
I'm not denying that there are better opportunities out there, but I'm seeing how far will I go, how far can I go. it's just a matter of time.
or perhaps I just need a trigger.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
end of Lobo
after 6 months of airing, my favourite Filipino teleserye so far, has come to an end. :(
'Can love prevail between two people who are destined to destroy each other?'
that was the tagline for the teaser of the teleserye. Lobo, a story of two ill-fated lovers who went against the odds to be together, defying and challenging whatever force that conspire to tear them apart.
the lead characters Noah and Lyka are none other than (my papa P) Piolo Pascual and Angel Locsin. :)
Lyka is a descendant of the man-wolves clan, known as the 'Waya', whereas Noah is a lieutenant, whose father was killed by a man-wolf, and his adoptive father made him join the 'Luna' which is determined to destroy all man-wolves on Earth. they are two people leading their lives worlds apart.
well of course, like all other stories, they fell in love with each other (since they were kids) and had to go through all obstacles that came their way. and again, like all other stories, they lived happily ever after. :) then you wonder, how many obstacles they have to go through, and how many villians they have to face, for a 6-month drama. haha.
beauuutiful..
why do I like this teleserye so much? for one, it has a very different storyline. a story about humans and man-wolves. with a great love story. and of course, it's my papa P. ;)
and the theme song is just so beautiful. Ikaw Ang Pangarap, sung by Martin Nievera. yeah.
and many scenic places too! helicopter's shots! beaches! gardens! forests!
awwww..
and I have been religiously following the teleserye, never missing out a single episode of it, even when I was in Bago City last May. and even if I did, I would make sure I would watch that particular episode when I have time to spare. heheh. yes, all because of papa P. :)
and now, all villians are killed, happy ending for the lovers and all other good characters. all has come to an end.
no more papa P. :(
'Can love prevail between two people who are destined to destroy each other?'
that was the tagline for the teaser of the teleserye. Lobo, a story of two ill-fated lovers who went against the odds to be together, defying and challenging whatever force that conspire to tear them apart.
the lead characters Noah and Lyka are none other than (my papa P) Piolo Pascual and Angel Locsin. :)
Lyka is a descendant of the man-wolves clan, known as the 'Waya', whereas Noah is a lieutenant, whose father was killed by a man-wolf, and his adoptive father made him join the 'Luna' which is determined to destroy all man-wolves on Earth. they are two people leading their lives worlds apart.
well of course, like all other stories, they fell in love with each other (since they were kids) and had to go through all obstacles that came their way. and again, like all other stories, they lived happily ever after. :) then you wonder, how many obstacles they have to go through, and how many villians they have to face, for a 6-month drama. haha.
beauuutiful..
why do I like this teleserye so much? for one, it has a very different storyline. a story about humans and man-wolves. with a great love story. and of course, it's my papa P. ;)
and the theme song is just so beautiful. Ikaw Ang Pangarap, sung by Martin Nievera. yeah.
and many scenic places too! helicopter's shots! beaches! gardens! forests!
awwww..
and I have been religiously following the teleserye, never missing out a single episode of it, even when I was in Bago City last May. and even if I did, I would make sure I would watch that particular episode when I have time to spare. heheh. yes, all because of papa P. :)
and now, all villians are killed, happy ending for the lovers and all other good characters. all has come to an end.
no more papa P. :(
Sunday, July 06, 2008
July playlist - my papa piolo
theme for July's playlist - my papa Piolo :)
ang idol ko si papa Piolo! haha.. ang gwapo at ang ganda siya! :) (go try finding out the meaning, if you wanna know.. haha)
anyway, this month's playlist comprises of songs from Piolo Pascual's Timeless album released last year, in celebration of his ten years in showbiz.
he acts, he sings, he hosts, and he even penned the lyrics of some of the songs in the album. he is also venturing into directing. and yes, he's handsome. :P
isn't he charming? hee
people in the Philippines like to give titles to celebrities, and his? heart-throb, papa ng bayan (papa of the country). :)
Philippines has many marvellous singers who have won accolades in their home country and abroad. although papa P may not be the best singer in the country, but nevertheless he is able to produce beautiful renditions of his songs as well as others.
and for almost every Sunday, I'll get to hear him sing on the regular afternoon programme ASAP, that features the station's talents singing and dancing. the Filipino culture. haha.. and manz, he's so charismatic when he sings. :D
go papa Piolo!
ang idol ko si papa Piolo! haha.. ang gwapo at ang ganda siya! :) (go try finding out the meaning, if you wanna know.. haha)
anyway, this month's playlist comprises of songs from Piolo Pascual's Timeless album released last year, in celebration of his ten years in showbiz.
he acts, he sings, he hosts, and he even penned the lyrics of some of the songs in the album. he is also venturing into directing. and yes, he's handsome. :P
isn't he charming? hee
people in the Philippines like to give titles to celebrities, and his? heart-throb, papa ng bayan (papa of the country). :)
Philippines has many marvellous singers who have won accolades in their home country and abroad. although papa P may not be the best singer in the country, but nevertheless he is able to produce beautiful renditions of his songs as well as others.
and for almost every Sunday, I'll get to hear him sing on the regular afternoon programme ASAP, that features the station's talents singing and dancing. the Filipino culture. haha.. and manz, he's so charismatic when he sings. :D
go papa Piolo!
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