好久没有这样，哭到累了睡着。。
也不太记得上一次是什么时候。。是因为在工作上被一大堆乐谱压得喘不过气来吗？那好像是好几年前的事了。3年前阿公去世时，我也没有这样，因为人老了终究会离开，都坦然地面对。
这几个星期都没有好好地休息过，也把一些不好的情绪压抑着。我知道最近我的压力指数在升高，有太多的东西要兼顾。但是绝不是因为工作，因为我相信我已看得很开，而且老板也知道他给我的任务也不简单，他也看到我也正在努力着。
导火线就在昨晚把所有的情绪給爆发出来。
有些事情，让我很费解。如果想做事，但却有很多怨言，出发点到底是什么？大家不就是也在努力着吗？第一次想到回“家乡”，却觉得是累的，有点心灰意冷。
我也不想多说什么。了解的人，看到的人，自然会明白。
我曾经对友人说过，我表面上坚强，是不想让别人看到我脆弱的一面。我就继续忍着，反正事情过去了，大家就回到各自的生活里，互不干涉。
只要对得起自己就好。
放心，哭完了，平静了。
Showing posts with label moody. Show all posts
Showing posts with label moody. Show all posts
Monday, February 27, 2012
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Goodbye, Tito Dad
Tito Dad passed away this afternoon, losing his battle with a stroke that left him in a coma for 3 days.
My heart just sank upon hearing the news.
Papa was admitted into the hospital last Wednesday, and before I left for Manila last Friday, I went to visit him at the hospital and Tito Dad was there. Having a flight to catch, I bid everybody goodbye, and kissed them on the cheeks, including his.
On Sunday, I was asking how was Papa recovering, but got the bad news instead. Tito Dad looked perfectly fine that day, having lunch and reading the newspaper in the ward. His stroke came so sudden, that I think everybody in the family couldn't believe it as well.
I was worried about Tita Vic as well. She just had a heart surgery in February, I was so afraid she might not be able to cope.
Perhaps, it was time for him to go, but I never like seeing people go, so suddenly, just like that.
I don't know if this is a mere coincidence, Lolo Samuel passed away last year, the day after I saw him in the Mondia's house and after I left Bago City. Is it a consolation that I was able to see them before their passing, or should I wish that I was never there?
Maybe I shouldn't even be thinking about that.
Tito Dad and Tita Vic live just across the Matti's house. If I wake up early enough to sit with Papa outside the house, or if I return early before dinner, Tito Dad would always be around, chatting with Papa. He was always so welcoming, and just like Papa, he would ask if I have eaten, where have I been to, where would I be going.
Now, I won't get to ask him back the same questions, but I know the answer, because he is already in a place with no sufferings and no agony.
My condolences to the Yulo and Matti family.
Goodbye Tito Dad.
My heart just sank upon hearing the news.
Papa was admitted into the hospital last Wednesday, and before I left for Manila last Friday, I went to visit him at the hospital and Tito Dad was there. Having a flight to catch, I bid everybody goodbye, and kissed them on the cheeks, including his.
On Sunday, I was asking how was Papa recovering, but got the bad news instead. Tito Dad looked perfectly fine that day, having lunch and reading the newspaper in the ward. His stroke came so sudden, that I think everybody in the family couldn't believe it as well.
I was worried about Tita Vic as well. She just had a heart surgery in February, I was so afraid she might not be able to cope.
Perhaps, it was time for him to go, but I never like seeing people go, so suddenly, just like that.
I don't know if this is a mere coincidence, Lolo Samuel passed away last year, the day after I saw him in the Mondia's house and after I left Bago City. Is it a consolation that I was able to see them before their passing, or should I wish that I was never there?
Maybe I shouldn't even be thinking about that.
Tito Dad and Tita Vic live just across the Matti's house. If I wake up early enough to sit with Papa outside the house, or if I return early before dinner, Tito Dad would always be around, chatting with Papa. He was always so welcoming, and just like Papa, he would ask if I have eaten, where have I been to, where would I be going.
Now, I won't get to ask him back the same questions, but I know the answer, because he is already in a place with no sufferings and no agony.
My condolences to the Yulo and Matti family.
Goodbye Tito Dad.
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
莫名奇妙的情绪
这几天，心情会无端端地酝酿着一些莫名奇妙的情绪。搞不懂，到底是怎么一回事。
工作，和上几个月比起来，顺利得很。健康，还好，只不过一些老毛病就从此离不开。撇开爱情，因为八字都没有半个丿，而且由不得我去主宰。友情，很庆幸一直都在。家庭，也还好。曾经为自己算过命，朋友会比自己的亲人还亲，我也不否认。
所以，真的搞不懂， 到底是怎么一回事。
对新年一点期待也没有，因为不是特别喜欢过新年。没做任何准备，只包了红包给重要的长辈们。
很快就能回到我的第二个家，可是，我迟迟未定自己的行程，和一向速战速决的我，很不像。
希望这种莫名其妙的情绪，快点消失。
工作，和上几个月比起来，顺利得很。健康，还好，只不过一些老毛病就从此离不开。撇开爱情，因为八字都没有半个丿，而且由不得我去主宰。友情，很庆幸一直都在。家庭，也还好。曾经为自己算过命，朋友会比自己的亲人还亲，我也不否认。
所以，真的搞不懂， 到底是怎么一回事。
对新年一点期待也没有，因为不是特别喜欢过新年。没做任何准备，只包了红包给重要的长辈们。
很快就能回到我的第二个家，可是，我迟迟未定自己的行程，和一向速战速决的我，很不像。
希望这种莫名其妙的情绪，快点消失。
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Principles
I had a lengthy phone 'conversation' with a parent this afternoon. It wasn't the first time I had to swallow my tears while enduring the unpleasant words coming from the other end of the line.
Over the years, I've learnt to understand that such nasty problems are part and parcel of work, and I'm still learning to deal with them effectively. Sometimes I could take them in my stride, sometimes I couldn't let them lie down.
Today's 'conversation' stemmed from some misunderstanding and miscommunication issues. Things got heated up, and I just kept silent, absorbing all the angry words being lashed out. It took quite some time for us to really settle the problems calmly. In the end, 'all is well'. But I wished I could have the wits to deal with the problems faster.
The parent insisted that he had his principles, and he was setting as an example to his children, that principles should be followed once set.
Yes, I agree, but to a certain extent. I do have my own set of principles too, be it personal or for work. But sometimes, I have to set them aside for certain circumstances. And that doesn't mean that I'm not assertive enough. Sometimes one has to be flexible, sometimes we are left with no other choices.
It's just a fine line between sticking to principles and being stubborn.
Over the years, I've learnt to understand that such nasty problems are part and parcel of work, and I'm still learning to deal with them effectively. Sometimes I could take them in my stride, sometimes I couldn't let them lie down.
Today's 'conversation' stemmed from some misunderstanding and miscommunication issues. Things got heated up, and I just kept silent, absorbing all the angry words being lashed out. It took quite some time for us to really settle the problems calmly. In the end, 'all is well'. But I wished I could have the wits to deal with the problems faster.
The parent insisted that he had his principles, and he was setting as an example to his children, that principles should be followed once set.
Yes, I agree, but to a certain extent. I do have my own set of principles too, be it personal or for work. But sometimes, I have to set them aside for certain circumstances. And that doesn't mean that I'm not assertive enough. Sometimes one has to be flexible, sometimes we are left with no other choices.
It's just a fine line between sticking to principles and being stubborn.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
格格不入
格格不入，用来形容我的个性，应该非常贴切。
我不否认我的性格很难以捉摸，脾气很火爆，思想很怪异。我任性，我自我，我不善于社交，我不会说话，甚至说话都不经过大脑。
有时候我很恨自己，为什么把自己搞成这样，却不试着去改变。我不改变自己，却希望帮助别人，很可笑，不是吗？
一切，只能说是咎由自取。很想钻进属于自己那渺小的世界里。垂头丧气也好，发泄情绪也好，没人管得了。因为那个世界，是属于我的。
我的世界，你敢进入吗？
我不否认我的性格很难以捉摸，脾气很火爆，思想很怪异。我任性，我自我，我不善于社交，我不会说话，甚至说话都不经过大脑。
有时候我很恨自己，为什么把自己搞成这样，却不试着去改变。我不改变自己，却希望帮助别人，很可笑，不是吗？
一切，只能说是咎由自取。很想钻进属于自己那渺小的世界里。垂头丧气也好，发泄情绪也好，没人管得了。因为那个世界，是属于我的。
我的世界，你敢进入吗？
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I wished
I wished life could be simpler.
I wished life was just about sitting down quietly watching the sunset.
I wished life was just about doing what you like to do.
I wished life was just about travelling around the world.
I wished life was just about being together with the people you love.
I wished life was not just about money.
I wished life was not just about working like a dog.
I wished life was not just about enduring what people might think and say about you.
I wished life was not just about satisfying others, and ending up sacrificing yourself.
If only life could be simpler.
I wished life was just about sitting down quietly watching the sunset.
I wished life was just about doing what you like to do.
I wished life was just about travelling around the world.
I wished life was just about being together with the people you love.
I wished life was not just about money.
I wished life was not just about working like a dog.
I wished life was not just about enduring what people might think and say about you.
I wished life was not just about satisfying others, and ending up sacrificing yourself.
If only life could be simpler.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday blues
I think it's the time of the month, with all the surges in hormones that are making me feeling like a piece of rubbish. Retribution, perhaps. I always utter 'rubbish' when scolding my kids when they give me nonsense, and now I feel like one. argh.
With a number of 'eventful' things happening, I have chosen to keep things to myself, to speak less. People thought that I was angry, I was frustrated. No I wasn't, I just didn't want to talk about it. I have always gotten into trouble from the things I blurted out from my mouth. Many times I regretted that, and there are no turning-backs.
So I've learnt. I chose to keep quiet, and be alone.
I am thankful to friends who are just there, who don't ask much. I don't even want to hear things like 'are you ok?', 'cheer up', 'don't worry'. No, I don't need these words of encouragement. I just need pleasant conversations and laughter with good company.
If not, there's always good coffee, good chocolates and coke.
With a number of 'eventful' things happening, I have chosen to keep things to myself, to speak less. People thought that I was angry, I was frustrated. No I wasn't, I just didn't want to talk about it. I have always gotten into trouble from the things I blurted out from my mouth. Many times I regretted that, and there are no turning-backs.
So I've learnt. I chose to keep quiet, and be alone.
I am thankful to friends who are just there, who don't ask much. I don't even want to hear things like 'are you ok?', 'cheer up', 'don't worry'. No, I don't need these words of encouragement. I just need pleasant conversations and laughter with good company.
If not, there's always good coffee, good chocolates and coke.
Friday, March 13, 2009
A week without inspiration
I guess I was again too caught up with so many things that I'm losing inspiration again.
The NUSCO concert 'Allure' was just over, it could have been a good topic, but I don't have the mood to write anything about it. I have no idea what I was doing. Not saying that I screwed up the performance, to be honest I did put in a wee bit more of effort practising the pieces. Perhaps the messy concert preparation made me lose a bit of the interest. I don't know where I was standing. I know I was helping with this and that, but I guess the lack of proper communication and understanding, and the inefficiency, just made things seem a little.. bleak. To the people who came to watch the concert, thank you.
Then came the news that my dear friends had to go through surgery and medical check-ups, and the emotional stress that comes along. Ah Gong left not long ago, and I am not prepared to go through that kind of pain, not so soon. We are all waiting for the results, and I'm praying for the both of you. I believe that things would turn out fine. Although we are thousand miles apart, you know that I'll always be there for you. Believe, and be strong.
Work, as usual, the problems and stress are always there, no point ranting because that is not going to be the solution.
To add on to all, I am resuming to my old schedule to seeing my kids 3 times a week. I don't see the difference, but since the parent think there's a need for that, I'll just have to accommodate for an additional kids-day.
I'm a little tired. Not being able to wake up on time EVERYDAY is a clear indication that I need a break.
The NUSCO concert 'Allure' was just over, it could have been a good topic, but I don't have the mood to write anything about it. I have no idea what I was doing. Not saying that I screwed up the performance, to be honest I did put in a wee bit more of effort practising the pieces. Perhaps the messy concert preparation made me lose a bit of the interest. I don't know where I was standing. I know I was helping with this and that, but I guess the lack of proper communication and understanding, and the inefficiency, just made things seem a little.. bleak. To the people who came to watch the concert, thank you.
Then came the news that my dear friends had to go through surgery and medical check-ups, and the emotional stress that comes along. Ah Gong left not long ago, and I am not prepared to go through that kind of pain, not so soon. We are all waiting for the results, and I'm praying for the both of you. I believe that things would turn out fine. Although we are thousand miles apart, you know that I'll always be there for you. Believe, and be strong.
Work, as usual, the problems and stress are always there, no point ranting because that is not going to be the solution.
To add on to all, I am resuming to my old schedule to seeing my kids 3 times a week. I don't see the difference, but since the parent think there's a need for that, I'll just have to accommodate for an additional kids-day.
I'm a little tired. Not being able to wake up on time EVERYDAY is a clear indication that I need a break.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Back from paradise
It was with great reluctance leaving my paradise, my hometown.
It was just like a very short dream. Dreams are beautiful, dreams will bring you smiles. That is what my paradise is, what my paradise can do.
I do not remember feeling any bit of sadness during the 5 days there, except for a brief moment when I just thought of Ah Gong when I was at the wake of a friend's father. In fact I was happy, to see many familiar faces, and it was pleasant distributing stationery to more than a thousand of students.
I even got to enjoy moments of peace. Every morning I would sit with Papa Momoy in the front of the house, sometimes we don't talk, but I could find a sense of assurance. Even travelling on bumpy roads give me a different kind of peace. Many of such journeys actually set me thinking on a lot of things, particularly my grand dream.
But the moment I returned to work, problems start to resurface again. At some points of time I felt I couldn't handle it anymore, I wanted to just break down and cry.
Now my paradise seems so far away again.
It was just like a very short dream. Dreams are beautiful, dreams will bring you smiles. That is what my paradise is, what my paradise can do.
I do not remember feeling any bit of sadness during the 5 days there, except for a brief moment when I just thought of Ah Gong when I was at the wake of a friend's father. In fact I was happy, to see many familiar faces, and it was pleasant distributing stationery to more than a thousand of students.
I even got to enjoy moments of peace. Every morning I would sit with Papa Momoy in the front of the house, sometimes we don't talk, but I could find a sense of assurance. Even travelling on bumpy roads give me a different kind of peace. Many of such journeys actually set me thinking on a lot of things, particularly my grand dream.
But the moment I returned to work, problems start to resurface again. At some points of time I felt I couldn't handle it anymore, I wanted to just break down and cry.
Now my paradise seems so far away again.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Emo
I'm supposed to feel elated because I've received my bonus, and that would probably ensure that my tentative 6-mth plan would be a feasible one.
But I'm not.
Too preoccupied with all the troubles at work, that I've lost my appetite. Too frustrated to work, that I was blasting rock music and orchestral music into my ears. Too disappointed with what I'm experiencing, that I could only sigh.
I think I need a break, but I wasn't allowed one. I somehow question my own capabilities and my level of confidence.
And I remain stubborn enough to put up a strong front before my family, because I never confide anything in them, and I'm going to continue doing so.
I want to run away to Bago, but why is it so far away?
But I'm not.
Too preoccupied with all the troubles at work, that I've lost my appetite. Too frustrated to work, that I was blasting rock music and orchestral music into my ears. Too disappointed with what I'm experiencing, that I could only sigh.
I think I need a break, but I wasn't allowed one. I somehow question my own capabilities and my level of confidence.
And I remain stubborn enough to put up a strong front before my family, because I never confide anything in them, and I'm going to continue doing so.
I want to run away to Bago, but why is it so far away?
Monday, September 15, 2008
ah gong, please hang on
ah gong is admitted into hospital again. a major operation.
a bad dream a few nights ago made me fear for the worst. I'm not ready to let go yet, not now, not ever.
ah gong, please hang on.
a bad dream a few nights ago made me fear for the worst. I'm not ready to let go yet, not now, not ever.
ah gong, please hang on.
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Dreamz FM
i'm aware that my mood has been erratic, most of the time horrible. please bear with me for a few more weeks. i'll be fine. hopefully.
well, at least there are things that could uplift my mood a little. squid rings, papa P, and my new pillow.
yes, i'm that crazy :)
------------------------------
anyway, playlist for this month is up.
theme: Dreamz FM
Dreamz FM (Dreamz Flying Machine a.k.a Meng Fei Chuan) is my favourite local pop group. they sing, they compose, and they play instruments. although they have not been performing for many years, they are still active in the music / entertainment scene. Jim and Ric continues to pen songs for many artists, while Cavin moves on to hosting and acting.
seriously, i think they are a bunch of talented people, but too bad they didn't manage to go far, because local bands weren't popular during that time. if only people are supportive of local music talents.
watch them:
Baby Come Back
Chu Le Ai Qing
some popular hits: Bu Zhi De, Should I Stay, Stay With You, Shou Hu Xing
enjoy!
well, at least there are things that could uplift my mood a little. squid rings, papa P, and my new pillow.
yes, i'm that crazy :)
------------------------------
anyway, playlist for this month is up.
theme: Dreamz FM
Dreamz FM (Dreamz Flying Machine a.k.a Meng Fei Chuan) is my favourite local pop group. they sing, they compose, and they play instruments. although they have not been performing for many years, they are still active in the music / entertainment scene. Jim and Ric continues to pen songs for many artists, while Cavin moves on to hosting and acting.
seriously, i think they are a bunch of talented people, but too bad they didn't manage to go far, because local bands weren't popular during that time. if only people are supportive of local music talents.
watch them:
Baby Come Back
Chu Le Ai Qing
some popular hits: Bu Zhi De, Should I Stay, Stay With You, Shou Hu Xing
enjoy!
Saturday, February 23, 2008
stressed
salamat ulit, temogen at ryan. it was nice hearing your voices again. i'm so envious, that you guys are together, having fun, and i could hear laughter too. you may not know how stressed and down i was feeling the whole day, but somehow your calls always come in at the right time. =) thank you gid..
------------------------------
was at a class gathering for a short while, good to see at least half of the class people there. =) i didn't know what to say, but at least i had some good laughs. i feel a little inferior upon seeing how well everybody is doing, but i tried telling myself that i'm blessed, in other ways.
yes, i'm blessed.
------------------------------
i'm stressed, very stressed. chocolates are starting to lose their effects. coke too. i need more time. arghh..
------------------------------
was at a class gathering for a short while, good to see at least half of the class people there. =) i didn't know what to say, but at least i had some good laughs. i feel a little inferior upon seeing how well everybody is doing, but i tried telling myself that i'm blessed, in other ways.
yes, i'm blessed.
------------------------------
i'm stressed, very stressed. chocolates are starting to lose their effects. coke too. i need more time. arghh..
Friday, November 23, 2007
examinations suck..
it's not easy being a kid in Singapore.. the pressure and expections from everybody, the comparison, and the stress they have to go through every time they sit for examinations.. it can be overwhelming sometimes..
i thought my kid would do well for his PSLE.. but it didn't turn out the way we expected.. he must be feeling very down right now, for not being able to achieve his goals, for not being able to enter the school of his choice..
i feel bad for not being good enough to push him beyond his limits, but at the same time i didn't want him to become a slave of education.. he's a bright kid.. he reads a lot and dares to voice out his opinions for what is accurate, and sometimes i can be amazed by what he knows..
he was confident that he could do well, and felt that the questions were relatively easy, as compared to those in his prelims.. he said that the English paper was ok, but he didn't do well.. in contrary, he scored better for the Maths paper which he complained was difficult..
but i really don't understand.. based on the grades he got, even if he scored just enough to achieve those grades, he would have gotten a higher overall score.. i really don't understand..
i don't know how many times i've said this, but yes, i never like the idea of having examinations.. it doesn't prove how smart a person is, but how rigid the entire system is, and how good at memorising a person is.. examinations are never a good guage of a person's ability and knowledge..
arghh.. so frustrated now..
i thought my kid would do well for his PSLE.. but it didn't turn out the way we expected.. he must be feeling very down right now, for not being able to achieve his goals, for not being able to enter the school of his choice..
i feel bad for not being good enough to push him beyond his limits, but at the same time i didn't want him to become a slave of education.. he's a bright kid.. he reads a lot and dares to voice out his opinions for what is accurate, and sometimes i can be amazed by what he knows..
he was confident that he could do well, and felt that the questions were relatively easy, as compared to those in his prelims.. he said that the English paper was ok, but he didn't do well.. in contrary, he scored better for the Maths paper which he complained was difficult..
but i really don't understand.. based on the grades he got, even if he scored just enough to achieve those grades, he would have gotten a higher overall score.. i really don't understand..
i don't know how many times i've said this, but yes, i never like the idea of having examinations.. it doesn't prove how smart a person is, but how rigid the entire system is, and how good at memorising a person is.. examinations are never a good guage of a person's ability and knowledge..
now it seems hard to make any appeals to get into the schools of his initial choices.. i've seen how kids change when they enter a school they don't like, and i don't want him to end up the same way..
arghh.. so frustrated now..
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
rejection..
i got rejected.. by a potential sponsor.. =(
i should have gotten used to such rejections.. but every time i tell myself i should continue to hold on to even the thinnest ray of hope.. then again, when there's a hope, there would be disappointment..
well, i don't mind treating the trip as a getaway, for me to relax, to reward myself for working hard during the busy period.. perhaps i could even get to see my white-sand beach this time round.. but like i've said, i wanna do something, i don't wanna disappoint people.. and i know there are friends and people out there who have been helping me, willing to donate items to the children.. i even have an entire set of encyclopedia (supposed to worth at least $2000) under my office desk.. i can't possibly reject them just because i couldn't manage to secure a sponsor..
i could only blame myself for not starting the planning early, for messing up and changing all my initial plans, for procrasinating everything..
i think it's time for plan B..
a big *ouch* for the wallet..
i should have gotten used to such rejections.. but every time i tell myself i should continue to hold on to even the thinnest ray of hope.. then again, when there's a hope, there would be disappointment..
well, i don't mind treating the trip as a getaway, for me to relax, to reward myself for working hard during the busy period.. perhaps i could even get to see my white-sand beach this time round.. but like i've said, i wanna do something, i don't wanna disappoint people.. and i know there are friends and people out there who have been helping me, willing to donate items to the children.. i even have an entire set of encyclopedia (supposed to worth at least $2000) under my office desk.. i can't possibly reject them just because i couldn't manage to secure a sponsor..
i could only blame myself for not starting the planning early, for messing up and changing all my initial plans, for procrasinating everything..
i think it's time for plan B..
a big *ouch* for the wallet..
Saturday, November 03, 2007
another broken necklace, and many sad songs..
i am very sad.. i broke another one of my favourite necklaces.. =(
first it was the one tita bambie made for me.. and now i broke another one.. although it was cheap, it was versatile that it can go with anything.. and now it's gone.. boohoo..
and i shall not start ranting on my job.. it's getting nowhere, and there's no end to it..
ok, it's not because of all these that made me chose the theme for the playlist for this month.. haa.. so, here you go..
the theme for the playlist: sad sad songs..
well sad songs may not be just all about failed relationships, breaking up or whatsoever.. they could be about pains one may have to go through, about missing somebody, something.. listen to Corrinne May's 'Fly Away' and Michael Buble's 'Home', and you'll know..
some new/foreign songs that are worth your listening ear.. Gary Valenciano's 'In Another Lifetime', 'Break It To Me Gently' by Mark Bautista, Jimmy Bondoc's 'Let Me Be The One'.. when i first heard Gary's song, i cried.. really.. i don't know why, but i cried.. haa.. yes i'm a real crybaby..
anyway i think there are some glitches with my imeem.. somehow some songs are not completed.. hmm.. will do my best to rectify the problem.. =)
but anyway, enjoy.. while i go get my sleep.. ciaoz..
first it was the one tita bambie made for me.. and now i broke another one.. although it was cheap, it was versatile that it can go with anything.. and now it's gone.. boohoo..
and i shall not start ranting on my job.. it's getting nowhere, and there's no end to it..
ok, it's not because of all these that made me chose the theme for the playlist for this month.. haa.. so, here you go..
the theme for the playlist: sad sad songs..
well sad songs may not be just all about failed relationships, breaking up or whatsoever.. they could be about pains one may have to go through, about missing somebody, something.. listen to Corrinne May's 'Fly Away' and Michael Buble's 'Home', and you'll know..
some new/foreign songs that are worth your listening ear.. Gary Valenciano's 'In Another Lifetime', 'Break It To Me Gently' by Mark Bautista, Jimmy Bondoc's 'Let Me Be The One'.. when i first heard Gary's song, i cried.. really.. i don't know why, but i cried.. haa.. yes i'm a real crybaby..
anyway i think there are some glitches with my imeem.. somehow some songs are not completed.. hmm.. will do my best to rectify the problem.. =)
but anyway, enjoy.. while i go get my sleep.. ciaoz..
Saturday, July 28, 2007
no more Bago December..
somehow things don't go as what you expect them to be.. and i have no idea why it's happening this way..
my initial plan was to find a part-time job to save up for my trips, and leave the country after my kids' end-of-year exams in November.. i had also wanted to go on a holiday to Bangkok after my exams last May.. then my grandpa got ill, and all of us devoted our time to him.. i couldn't dare to mention about my plans to my parents for fear of adding to their worries..
then grandpa got well.. but came a job offer from my teacher.. pay was low, but all i wanted was to earn enough for my trips.. i accepted it, and i had to give my Bangkok trip a miss.. and because of the job, i had to push back my plan for going overseas till after January next year..
thinking of the possibility that my parents (and maybe grandpa) would be angry and disappointed if i'm not going to be around during Chinese New Year, i further pushed my plan to end February..
and now, i blur-ly took up the position to be in the NUSCO concert committee for next year's concert.. i don't know if i'm not firm enough to reject it, or if i feel that i should do something for the orchestra.. it would mean another postponing of my trips to end March..
all the responsibilities are piling up.. my job, my kids, the concert committee, plannings for my trips.. and family..
the thought of not being able to spend my christmas in Bago is making me feeling down.. the thought of not being able to see familiar faces, the thought of missing out all the laughter, the thought of not being able to hug my friends who have been like a second family to me..
i have always look forward to December every year.. but this December is never going to be the same.. i want my old December back..
my initial plan was to find a part-time job to save up for my trips, and leave the country after my kids' end-of-year exams in November.. i had also wanted to go on a holiday to Bangkok after my exams last May.. then my grandpa got ill, and all of us devoted our time to him.. i couldn't dare to mention about my plans to my parents for fear of adding to their worries..
then grandpa got well.. but came a job offer from my teacher.. pay was low, but all i wanted was to earn enough for my trips.. i accepted it, and i had to give my Bangkok trip a miss.. and because of the job, i had to push back my plan for going overseas till after January next year..
thinking of the possibility that my parents (and maybe grandpa) would be angry and disappointed if i'm not going to be around during Chinese New Year, i further pushed my plan to end February..
and now, i blur-ly took up the position to be in the NUSCO concert committee for next year's concert.. i don't know if i'm not firm enough to reject it, or if i feel that i should do something for the orchestra.. it would mean another postponing of my trips to end March..
all the responsibilities are piling up.. my job, my kids, the concert committee, plannings for my trips.. and family..
the thought of not being able to spend my christmas in Bago is making me feeling down.. the thought of not being able to see familiar faces, the thought of missing out all the laughter, the thought of not being able to hug my friends who have been like a second family to me..
i have always look forward to December every year.. but this December is never going to be the same.. i want my old December back..
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
i want my sleep back..
i hate it when i have to vent my frustrations on my kids.. yes, my kids can be irritating and the way they retort back my questions with "i don't know" can make me clench my fists and go "arghhhh"..
i used to be able to fight back their silly tactics.. but not these few weeks.. i got frustrated so easily that i don't how to get through the lessons..
i suppose work has drained away all my energy.. even though it is no-brainer, the long hours and the occasional warding off knifes that may come stabbing are tiring.. and having to teach the kids after work makes it even worse.. not having enough sleep is killing me too..
and this is going to be so, at least for the next few months.. but i will adapt to this..
i will..
i used to be able to fight back their silly tactics.. but not these few weeks.. i got frustrated so easily that i don't how to get through the lessons..
i suppose work has drained away all my energy.. even though it is no-brainer, the long hours and the occasional warding off knifes that may come stabbing are tiring.. and having to teach the kids after work makes it even worse.. not having enough sleep is killing me too..
and this is going to be so, at least for the next few months.. but i will adapt to this..
i will..
Saturday, July 14, 2007
a week's thoughts..
i think i've over-worked myself.. such that my forgetfulness is back to haunt me again.. i was standing outside the door, searching frantically for my keys, and somehow i couldn't think of where and how i might have dropped them.. i had to call my mum to open the door for me, and then i saw my keys lying on my table.. arghh..
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sent peiying off this morning.. was spending the previous night at the airport with a bunch of friends.. i guess i was too tired to really enjoy the company.. haa..
anyway, yes, i wish her the best of luck.. it's not easy to be able to go overseas to further studies, and i'm always envious of friends who are able do that.. i'm sure she will definitely reach out to her dreams and do well.. =) waiting to see you again next year when you return!
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i think i'm a bad friend.. of course not in terms of being a bad influence (i've an image of a tutor to set.. haa) but i think i bully my friends a lot..
it's always them who put in more into the friendship.. and i admit sometimes i really take them for granted.. but i truly feel that i'm very blessed to have friends who sincerely care for me, and they are there whenever i need a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear to rant to..
really, a big thank you to my friends.. =)
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i need more sleep.. better still, give me 30 hours a day.. haha..
ah.. this post is really so random..
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sent peiying off this morning.. was spending the previous night at the airport with a bunch of friends.. i guess i was too tired to really enjoy the company.. haa..
anyway, yes, i wish her the best of luck.. it's not easy to be able to go overseas to further studies, and i'm always envious of friends who are able do that.. i'm sure she will definitely reach out to her dreams and do well.. =) waiting to see you again next year when you return!
------------------------------
i think i'm a bad friend.. of course not in terms of being a bad influence (i've an image of a tutor to set.. haa) but i think i bully my friends a lot..
it's always them who put in more into the friendship.. and i admit sometimes i really take them for granted.. but i truly feel that i'm very blessed to have friends who sincerely care for me, and they are there whenever i need a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear to rant to..
really, a big thank you to my friends.. =)
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i need more sleep.. better still, give me 30 hours a day.. haha..
ah.. this post is really so random..
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