no more Bago December..

somehow things don't go as what you expect them to be.. and i have no idea why it's happening this way..

my initial plan was to find a part-time job to save up for my trips, and leave the country after my kids' end-of-year exams in November.. i had also wanted to go on a holiday to Bangkok after my exams last May.. then my grandpa got ill, and all of us devoted our time to him.. i couldn't dare to mention about my plans to my parents for fear of adding to their worries..

then grandpa got well.. but came a job offer from my teacher.. pay was low, but all i wanted was to earn enough for my trips.. i accepted it, and i had to give my Bangkok trip a miss.. and because of the job, i had to push back my plan for going overseas till after January next year..

thinking of the possibility that my parents (and maybe grandpa) would be angry and disappointed if i'm not going to be around during Chinese New Year, i further pushed my plan to end February..

and now, i blur-ly took up the position to be in the NUSCO concert committee for next year's concert.. i don't know if i'm not firm enough to reject it, or if i feel that i should do something for the orchestra.. it would mean another postponing of my trips to end March..

all the responsibilities are piling up.. my job, my kids, the concert committee, plannings for my trips.. and family..

the thought of not being able to spend my christmas in Bago is making me feeling down.. the thought of not being able to see familiar faces, the thought of missing out all the laughter, the thought of not being able to hug my friends who have been like a second family to me..

i have always look forward to December every year.. but this December is never going to be the same.. i want my old December back..