miserable

miserable, is the only word that could describe my feelings right now.

when I cried the last time, I was grieving and mourning over the passing of Ah Gong. now, I don't understand why am I feeling so horrible, and why should I deserve this.

I've not felt so miserable over work before. the work has always been stressful, but I've been taking it in my stride. there were many down moments, but I've tried standing up on my feet again. there is a limit to what I can handle, and I suppose I've reached that.

many times when I'm threatened, to be deprived of my wishes to be back in Bago City, I told myself, I can handle it. I blame myself for not putting enough effort, for not managing things well. I tried my best to recify problems, but there is only this much I could do.

I don't know if this is called a 'consequence', this is not something that I would want. you do not threaten me with something I hold on dearly to.

I know this is not going to be the last time. it will not be the last time until the day I complete whatever I need to do. I can be evil, I can leave and leave all problems lying unresolved. but I won't do that.

I shall wait for the day I leave for greener pastures.