a different Monday

It didn't seem like a holiday today. nah, I didn't go back to office, like I said, I'm not a workaholic.

I went to Bright Hill with mum to pay respects to Ah Gong. I suppose he must have made quite a number of friends there, seeing that there are more incense burners on the shelves. While I was there, I witnessed two cremations, and it reminded me of Ah Gong's last few moments with us. I saw my mother got teary-eyed, I know it still hurts.

And on one instance, I saw how fast the coffin was being pushed into the oven. At that moment, it just occurred to me that life comes and goes. Perhaps I was too overwhelmed with sadness to realise that when Ah Gong was being cremated. There should not be regrets in one's life. That's why we should all live life to the fullest.

After which mum and I went for a little shopping. Mum asked me if I'm going back to Philippines again this december. I didn't tell her the exact situation, but I said if I can't go back this december, I will do so some time next year. She said she wanted to go to Kuala Lumpur. yar, mum has been working hard, and it's about time for her to relax, to pamper herself. And it's about time for the whole family to enjoy some time together.

Having to deal with a kid who doesn't bother to study somehow made my holiday seemed even more 'normal'. I seriously wonder when will she realise the importance of studying, especially in such an unrealistically pragmatic country.

Oh well, another day has just gone by.

a Saturday night of fun

Went out for a joy ride with a bunch of NUSCO friends last night, and we drove all the way to Marina South Pier.



It was rather nice, and serene I would say, if you ignore the people around you. haha. I always like looking out to the sea, watching the ships and the boats. It feels different, looking at all the bright orange lights shining from the ships. It's never a dead town out in the sea, I suppose. There were people travelling out to sea via small boats. I assume they are seamen working on those big oil tankers or cargo ships. I wonder how would life be, living on ships for months. Would it be the kind of freedom I'm seeking?



There were many lights flickering in the sky, planes were either descending to the airport, or departing to other destinations. Once again, the depressing thought of not being able to go back to Bago resurfaced. I've told myself to accept the fact, but somehow deep down inside me, I'm still holding on to a thin ray of hope. My dear friends in Bago, miss na miss ko po kayo, sobra.

It was still a night of fun, exploring around. We had lots of laugh, and I got even crankier (mutated, as quoted by my friends) when the clock struck twelve. It was a pity I didn't bring my toy along.

My toy is yearning to come out to play. :(

another sunday

I apologize if this blog is beginning to look like a dead town. again, I'm losing inspiration to write, because really, there isn't anything interesting going on in my life right now. it's only work, work, work, and more work. I actually hate this, but I don't think I would have any choices except to grit my teeth and hang in there.

today's the one-month death anniversary of Ah Gong. life still goes on, but he will always be deep in my heart.

Ah Gong, I still miss you.

sabbatical

it's a Sunday. I'm in the office.

I need to go on a sabbatical.

miserable

miserable, is the only word that could describe my feelings right now.

when I cried the last time, I was grieving and mourning over the passing of Ah Gong. now, I don't understand why am I feeling so horrible, and why should I deserve this.

I've not felt so miserable over work before. the work has always been stressful, but I've been taking it in my stride. there were many down moments, but I've tried standing up on my feet again. there is a limit to what I can handle, and I suppose I've reached that.

many times when I'm threatened, to be deprived of my wishes to be back in Bago City, I told myself, I can handle it. I blame myself for not putting enough effort, for not managing things well. I tried my best to recify problems, but there is only this much I could do.

I don't know if this is called a 'consequence', this is not something that I would want. you do not threaten me with something I hold on dearly to.

I know this is not going to be the last time. it will not be the last time until the day I complete whatever I need to do. I can be evil, I can leave and leave all problems lying unresolved. but I won't do that.

I shall wait for the day I leave for greener pastures.