what's my purpose in life..

my mum asked me.. why so "piah".. what's the purpose.. she asked me when i told her i had to go down to chinatown to get my CO costume measured..

it's not the first time she said that.. since young she was against me being so active in school stuffs or other things not related to academic studies.. but most of the time i went against her..

it's not that i don't want to study.. but i just don't like the way things are.. when studies revolve around grades and examinations.. i also learn more from other activities.. going for expeditions, going overseas for performances, joining volunteer work.. all these allow me to see things in a different prospective, letting me to find out what's "life" for me..

is learning to be smart (or to be smarter) more important than realising how to be a better person? without knowing what's the goals or purposes in life?

even though i have no clear idea what i'm going to be when i graduate (i don't even know if i can make it for honours) i just don't want to be tied down by school results.. i want to roam and expose myself to different environments and find the road that belongs to me..

sorry mum.. if i m demanding, asking for alot.. just let me be.. perhaps that's the way i want to lead my life.. perhaps things would be different for me when i grow up.. sorry mum.. i know it's not easy for u.. but i don't want to end up being a housewife and do the same things everyday..

yuhui likes ktv-ing..

*yawnz* woke up about an hour ago.. damn.. should start changing my sleeping timing.. it's not good to sleep late and waking up late..

anyway i went out for a ktv session with some of my YEP mates.. at this night-club-lookalike ktv (think it's really a night club.. oops).. quite cheap.. we only paid less than 10 bucks each.. haha.. sang from around 9pm to 2am.. woah.. first time doing that manz.. but it was really enjoyable.. haha.. had enough of singing, had enough of laughter.. especially when peishan suddenly just burst out screaming the song.. (yar.. screaming.. not singing..) haha.. to liven up the atmosphere.. to wake everybody up.. haha.. but we also got to hear her real voice.. like sally yeh n sammi cheng.. n she really got the talents manz.. damn nice voice.. =P should pursue a career in singing manz..

n the good thing about singing with them? there's someone to sing duets with me!! everytime i go out ktv-ing with my gal friends, it's very hard to sing a proper duet song.. 'cos there's no guy around.. haha.. but too bad there's no chuang wai available yesterday.. sheesh..

yup.. and i have decided to go for the 10-day switzerland itinerary.. was kinda fed up over this as well.. i m someone with no stand.. so i asked my mum to choose for me, either the 5-day or the 10-day plan.. n she always say "you decide yourself".. duh.. partly my fault.. i wanted to go for this trip.. n i sort of was being a bit demanding towards my parents.. there was a condition, though.. which is that i have to do well in exams.. hmm..

i shall start being a nerd now..

boring day..

phew.. more or less done with the budget report.. now only left with some receipts yet to be collected.. finally..

today's another at home.. brother went bai nian, parents having their own date together.. me left at home pasting receipts n editing the report.. haiz.. what an 'eventful' chinese new year huh..

but at least yini came n helped me.. =P she bought me lunch too.. if not i would have finished all the new year goodies at home.. haha..

time to do some homework.. though i m really reluctant to touch them.. arghh..

new year a time for reunion?

the 2nd day of new year.. well.. nothing really special about it i guess.. went to the same old places every year.. every 2nd day of new year i will go over to m'sia johore.. as usual.. this year's the same.. went to the temple, my dad's fren's house, my po-po's house.. quite exhausted.. long time spent in the car..

though new year is supposed to be a time for reunion, a chance to get to meet up with relatives n friends who i've not seen them for quite some time.. (well.. almost a year..) but somehow i don't really mingle with them.. partly due to my personality.. i'm a benchwarmer.. only talked to my cousins who are about the same age as me.. as for the older relatives, i would just greet them n smile at them.. nothing much to talk about.. other than asking where and what am i studying now, what have i been up to lately.. (philippines YEP!!!) n of course what happened to my knee.. now my mum spoke up for me.. (in a nagging tone.. "she fell down from a bicycle.. night cycling lor.. aiya.. too playful.. blah blah..) well.. at least i'm glad i'm able to save up some energy explaining.. heh..

suddenly i thought of the christmas spent in bago city.. families and friends coming together to celebrate christmas.. i could see the close n tight family bonds over there.. but i couldn't seem to feel that here.. perhaps the younger generations are too preoccupied with other materialistic thoughts like getting ang paos.. and i admit i have lost touch with my elders, with my relatives.. since i spend most of my time in school n in other activities.. i want to find back or forge the close bonds.. but it's just me.. i need time to get over myself.. i need time to warm up and to open up to the older ones..

perhaps i'm still too young to understand 'adult-stuff'.. perhaps they still see me as a kid.. but what if there isn't much time left? people come and go.. especially when my grandparents and my relatives of that generations are getting very much older.. how can i get to overcome that stigma of mine.. can anyone give me an answer...

new year new year..

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!

oh well.. it sort of symbolises a new start.. hmm.. a time to start saving money for my year-end trip to philippines.. a time to start to be a better person.. a time to start working hard..

joseph wishes everyone kung hei fat choy n a healthy year ahead.. =) miss ya joseph!! haha.. was quite surprised to see his sms.. cos i never expected anyone of them to send me a message on chinese new year..

anyway yesterday i went for another round of shopping at 3 different shopping centres..(sounds a bit crazy..) n only bought a top.. for that i took 4 hours.. manz.. with people staring at my knee.. never mind.. i'm a star.. in a different way..

came home to clean up my room and had reunion dinner.. it was a humble one.. with only my family, grandpa grandma, my small aunt's family n my 2 cousins.. guess everyone has their own family.. can't possibly always be the case that them coming over to my grandpa side.. i'll still get to see them tomorrow.. =) then again.. they will ask about my knee.. sigh..

it's a new year! a new start! new hopes!!! =) wishing everyone a good health and may all wishes come true!! be happy everyday.. *smile*

thoughts..

was watching the YEP video again.. wooo.. memories flying back..

smiles on my face.. yup.. no tears.. i remember to keep smiling, and be strong.. =)

memories, sad or happy.. i chose the happy ones.. even if there are sad ones, i'll see it in a different way.. i'll see it in a better way.. *there's always a choice..*

the trip may have ended, but it's never the end of everything.. =)

YEP..

"keep smiling, be strong".. that was what i've shared with my fellow YEP team mates during the meeting at SIF.. this was what the philippino people told me..

great to see most of my team mates there during the meeting.. =P watched video clips of our days in philippines together.. *aww..* the room was filled with laughter, my eyes nearly filled with tears..

i guess that this meeting cum facilitation was the most enriching one so far.. all of us shared about our thoughts and what we felt for this trip we have embarked on together.. i saw many different perspectives coming from different people.. i heard many different thoughts coming from the heart of each and every one of them.. i shall listen n learn from all of them.. =)

tempted to join a new expedition to help the tsunami areas in sri lanka or indonesia, but unable to do so, due to financial contraints.. moreover, i need time to let this philippines trip make me a better person.. then i would b able to serve the community with a bigger heart.. =)